Somewhere you picked up the idea that you must arrive certain — that to learn about Judaism you should already know whether you want it, already believe, already be sure. So you wait, withholding yourself until a confidence comes that never quite does.
Let that requirement go. You may begin uncertain. The pretense of certainty is not a virtue, and it is not a price of admission. What the tradition asks of a learner is not certainty but seriousness, and the two are not the same thing.
You do not need to manufacture certainty to be allowed in the room. Honest uncertainty is welcome here.
The Honesty Beneath Humility
There is a kind of humility that is simply telling the truth about where you stand. Pirkei Avot warns against the one who is ashamed to ask, and the warning is gentle and serious at once: shame closes the door that learning opens.
If you pretend to a certainty you do not have, you build your learning on something false, and false foundations do not hold. Far better to say, plainly, I do not yet know what I want — I only know I am drawn, and I wish to learn honestly. That sentence is enough to begin.
Where Certainty Is Actually Tested
The question of whether you would join the Jewish people is a real one, and it is not resolved by feeling sure on a given afternoon. It is examined over time, with a qualified rabbi and, in due course, a beit din — people whose role is precisely to test seriousness with care, not to reward performance.
So do not perform. Begin where you are, uncertain and honest. The clarity that matters is built slowly, and it is built alongside a teacher who can tell the difference between a mood and a path.